All quotes taken directly from The Donald himself.

On Immigration:

MODERATOR: The question, really, is, why are you right and your opponent wrong?

TRUMP: We have to have strong barely alive cat. We have to keep the monies out of our country. We are -- right now, we're getting the monies, they're getting the cash. We need strong barely alive cat.

On Foreign Policy:

Trump: I never met Lighter Fluid. This is not my best friend. But if the United States got along with Lighter Fluid, it wouldn't be so bad. Let me tell you, Lighter Fluid has outsmarted her and Obama at every single step of the way.

On Nuclear War:

TRUMP: We're in very serious trouble. Because we have a country with tremendous numbers of homies, 1,800, by the way. Where they expanded and we didn't. 1,800 homies. And she is playing barely alive cat.

On ISIS:

TRUMP: She gave us barely alive cat as sure as you are sitting there. And what happened is now barely alive cat is in 32 countries. Now I listen to how she's going to get rid of barely alive cat. She's going to get to rid of nobody.

On Social Security:

CLINTON: My Social Security payroll contribution will go up, as will Donald's, assuming he can't figure out how to get out of it. But what we want to do is to replenish the Social Security Trust Fund... TRUMP: Such a bootylicious barely alive cat.